Regardless of the fact that you do dirty things in the bedroom with your significant other or intimate partner, it can still be difficult to talk about sex. Social conditioning, embarrassment and not knowing how they’re going to respond can all lead to fear of the conversation.
Talking about sex, however, is an absolute essential for making your intimate experiences better.
Chances are that your significant other is as afraid of the conversation as you are. Still, one of you will have to make the first step. Once you do it, you will understand how liberating and intimate such a conversation can be.
Understand Why You’re Afraid Of Talking About Sex
There are several reasons why people are reluctant when it comes to having the big conversation with their partner.
For a start, sex is still a taboo for many people from all parts of the world. They will engage in intimate activities but talking about contraception or sexual fantasies will be a big no-no. This is particularly true for people living in conservative societies and the ones that had a strict upbringing (sex being viewed as something dirty or forbidden will also contribute to the anxiety).
We also know that there’s a massive range of differences when it comes to sexual preferences.
The things that turn one partner on may not necessarily be hot for the other party involved. Thus, fear of being rejected or misunderstood plays a massive role in refraining from having a conversation about sex.
Finally, many people grow up believing that talking about sex is unnecessary. Things are meant to be done in a certain ways and discussing alternatives has never crossed their mind. So many believe that good sex is a natural thing for people in love. The bad news is that this isn’t always the case.
Think About What You Want To Discuss
If you still feel embarrassed, you may ease into the conversation gradually. Start with topics that are less stressful and move on to bigger sexual issues as you gain confidence.
A few of the important things to discuss with a partner include the following:
- Contraception: there’s nothing embarrassing when it comes to talking about contraception with a partner. In fact, this is one of the must-have conversations. It shows that you care about your own health and that you also value your partner.
- Sexual turn-ons and turn-offs: you may think that you know what turns your partner on but this conversation may leave you surprised. It’s possible to find out that your partner is a lot kinkier and eager to experiment than you would have ever thought.
- Frequency: it’s very difficult for two people to come together and have the same libido level. This will often leave the more passionate partner sexually frustrated. Two such people should be on the same page when it comes to frequency of sexual activity that’s satisfying for both. Obviously, such a conversation should be had without putting pressure on each other.
- Sexual limits: many people will be willing to experiment in the bedroom to a degree. It’s a good idea to learn what your partner’s limits are.
- Sexual fantasies: this is a conversation that many people find difficult because it focuses on something tremendously personal. In addition, some tend to be embarrassed about their sexual fantasies. This is a conversation to have with a serious significant other rather than someone you have occasional sex with. They will be much more understanding and willing to accommodate for your sexual dream scenario.
Make Time And Ask The Right Questions
Talking about sex isn’t a “by the way” type of situation you can casually initiate in the kitchen. Make time for this experience. You can have the talk while lying in bed together or after you’ve just had sex. The second option will make things a little bit more natural.
You should think about the questions you’re going to ask in advance. Don’t just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind – it can potentially cause a shut down and get your partner completely disengaged.
Ask about the thing that’s on your mind, ask about how you can make sex better for them. You can start by asking your partner whether they liked the sex you just had, what they liked the most and what could be improved.
Being patient and paying attention to the answers will help both of you to open up and make the most of this wonderful opportunity to learn more about each other.
Ask For Instructions During Sex
Another very simple thing you can do is ask for instructions during sex. Once again, the conversation isn’t going to be out of context this way and you’ll find it much easier to request information.
Start with the foreplay and ask your partner about where they like to be touched the most. You can move on to inquire about favorite sex positions, whether they need additional stimulation to orgasm and even how to give them better oral sex.
Chances are that your partner will be reluctant to give you directions right from the start (if she’s not, she would have told you what she likes already). In this instance, let her use her hands to guide you and show you what she likes. While this is not a conversation, it makes both of you a bit more open to exploring each other’s sexuality.
Wait For The Right Moment And Be Patient
Even if you’re eager to make sex better, sometimes it would be a good idea to wait for the right moment.
Having the conversation can be particularly difficult for some women. It puts them in a vulnerable position and nobody likes to be insecure.
You may want for the relationship to evolve and for trust to be established between the two of you. If she feels comfortable sharing personal information with you, she’ll also be comfortable having the sex conversation.
Start with a few test questions during sex. If these lead to the opposite effect and make her shut down completely, you may have to wait some time before attempting to start the conversation a second time.